As the seasons change, so do you and the people around you; It's just the natural order of things. It's an inevitable occurrence in life, which ultimately leads to my next questions. Do our relationships have an expiration date? Whether a marriage/ romantic relationship, a friendship, or mere family relations. How do we know when that time comes?
In previous posts, I've made mention to the importance of paying close attention to your intuition, vibe, feeling, “spidey’ senses or whatever you would like to call them. If that radar is going off, then usually something is not right. You feel something is off, but can't pinpoint why or what exactly. At one point or another you began feeling a sense of neglect, but remain in denial and even started to formulate all types of excuses or scenarios to make sense of things. Worst of all, you feel the impending doom creeping up on the horizon, but believe if you hang in there just a little bit longer, things will turn around. You know something has gone terribly wrong but have that little bit of hope, thinking you can make it right.
Personally, I am a "leave it alone" type of person. I've run away and avoided intense situations quite a few times. Where friends and family are concerned, I'll give them all the space they need. In a romantic relationship, I tend to end things more quickly. Nonetheless, not everyone reacts this way. Some people tend to have the burning desire to "say something" or figure out "what went wrong". Before you take that step, here are a few signs that can help you decide whether or not it's time for a sit down.
1) Less Contact
You're becoming a dinosaur; totally extinct in their lives. Not too long ago, they were constantly texting, emailing and/or direct messaging you, even a video chat here and there. Now, on the contrary, you can't even recall the last time you heard their voice. It's official, you've become irrelevant or you've been replaced. I know, it's hard to process, but you'll be okay. The world will continue to spin on it's axis, the sun will still rise in the East and set in the West. Life goes on, try to remain strong.
2) They're Not The Person You Met
Hey, it's okay to evolve and blossom. Still, keep in mind that while you are slowly breaking free from your cocoon, someone else is learning to fly and another just learnt to walk. Change is inevitable and supporting change is equally important as being commended for your own evolution. It's the lack of this support that may cause some turmoil.
3) The Ultimate DENIAL.
You know, but you refuse to accept it. Much like myself, we can all be pretty stubborn at times. Let me ask you this, if you know deep down that it's time to move on, why aren't you leaving? Are you hoping things will change? Is it because you've invested so much time and effort, or have one heck of a history? Believe me, I get it but if you keep trying to make the best of a losing situation, you'll eventually lose yourself in the end.
4) No Trust
I once read " A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it as long as you want but it wont go anywhere" Trust may not necessarily lie in one's actions, it's more a sense of comfort within us, that keeps us at peace. A lack of trust leads to the constant work of a wild imagination. Soon you'll find yourself playing detective and making mountains out of mole hills. Eventually this will strain the already fragile relationship. If there is no trust, there is no point.
5) One-Sided Effort
Lately you're doing all the calling and reaching out. If you don't call or message there's hardly any communication. You find yourself having dinner alone or just a late snack before bed. You're the only one bringing/sending "just because..." gifts. It's become a one man/woman show. The "ship" is clearly sinking and you are the only one left aboard. That's a problem. I suggest you grab a life vest and head to shore. Remember it takes two to tango, and it sounds like the music has stopped.
6) More Bad Than Good
This one is pretty obvious and funny enough, sometimes not so much. The list writing method is an awesome tactic to help. On one side list all the pros and on the other, all the cons. You may find this useful if you're the type that likes to rationalize and comb it through. Sometimes you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. Sure, there will be tough times, but if you can't remember the last time you were happy, that's a huge problem.
Let's be clear, I'm no quitter and honestly neither are you. I know the journey of our relationships can get complicated, and sometimes lead us to a crossroads. Walking away doesn't make you weak, it actually shows your strength. Even with my list of red flags, no one can make that final call but you. If it's unhealthy, unproductive and you're unhappy, it may be time to part ways, and charter a new course
