Be Pretty Not Petty: Why Do Women Compete With Each Other?

There have been a few times in my career where I've been rather disappointed with women in my workplace. No, I do not expect my female colleagues to go out their way or sing "Kumbaya" with me in the office. However, it bothers me when a woman could have been helpful to me and was not. When a woman has the opportunity to be a positive, influential figure and chooses not to be, or because of anxiety or fear tries to hurt me through gossip and propaganda, it really makes me wonder. 

Of course I'm very much aware, this is not a new thing plaguing society. Some women have always felt the need to compete or one-up each other for years. Coco Chanel and Elsa Schiaparelli, Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan, Lil Kim and Nikki Minaj, Miss Kitty and The Curvy Diva, just to name a few. But it's not just women, men are guilty of this type of behavior as well but surprisingly not as extreme. 

However, my dilemma is why do so many women tear each other down, rather than uplift them? What causes this competitive and aggressive nature? Is it deeply ingrained in our biology or is it a learned behavior? While we can accept that everyone's personality won't gel well and everyone won't always agree, we often share the common goal of being a boss. Nothing is wrong with a little competition to keep us motivated, minus the bashing and defamation of  characters. There are so many moving parts and sides to any story. However, I will say that it does more harm than good when we take part in meaningless cat fights or fail to support each other. 

Regardless of what it is that stirs your inner beast, at the end of the day we have choices. We can choose to take the selfish route and make it all about us and our accomplishments or we can choose to challenge ourselves to rise up, and set an example of what being a strong and supportive woman looks like. Be role models for our youth and encourage team work.  It's such a powerful thing when women support each other and join forces. 

6 Signs It's Time To Say GoodBye

As the seasons change, so do you and the people around you; It's just the natural order of things. It's an inevitable occurrence in life, which ultimately leads to my next questions. Do our relationships have an expiration date? Whether a marriage/ romantic relationship, a friendship, or mere family relations. How do we know when that time comes?

In previous posts, I've made mention to the importance of paying close attention to your intuition, vibe, feeling, “spidey’ senses or whatever you would like to call them. If that radar is going off, then usually something is not right. You feel something is off, but can't pinpoint why or what exactly. At one point or another you began feeling a sense of neglect, but remain in denial and even started to formulate all types of excuses or scenarios to make sense of things. Worst of all, you feel the impending doom creeping up on the horizon, but believe if you hang in there just a little bit longer, things will turn around. You know something has gone terribly wrong but have that little bit of hope, thinking you can make it right.

Personally, I am a "leave it alone" type of person. I've run away and avoided intense situations quite a few times. Where friends and family are concerned, I'll give them all the space they need. In a romantic relationship, I tend to end things more quickly. Nonetheless, not everyone reacts this way. Some people tend to have the burning desire to "say something" or figure out "what went wrong".  Before you take that step, here are a few signs that can help you decide whether or not it's time for a sit down.

1) Less Contact

You're becoming a dinosaur; totally extinct in their lives. Not too long ago, they were constantly texting, emailing and/or direct messaging you, even a video chat here and there. Now, on the contrary,  you can't even recall the last time you heard their voice. It's official, you've become irrelevant or you've been replaced. I know, it's hard to process, but you'll be okay. The world will continue to spin on it's axis, the sun will still rise in the East and set in the West. Life goes on, try to remain strong.

2) They're Not The Person You Met 

Hey, it's okay to evolve and blossom. Still, keep in mind that while you are slowly breaking free from your cocoon, someone else is learning to fly and another just learnt to walk. Change is inevitable and supporting change is equally important as being commended for your own evolution. It's the lack of this support that may cause some turmoil.

3) The Ultimate DENIAL.

You know, but you refuse to accept it. Much like myself, we can all be pretty stubborn at times. Let me ask you this, if you know deep down that it's time to move on, why aren't you leaving? Are you hoping things will change? Is it because you've invested so much time and effort, or have one heck of a history? Believe me, I get it but if you keep trying to make the best of a losing situation, you'll eventually lose yourself in the end. 

4) No Trust

I once read " A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it as long as you want but it wont go anywhere" Trust may not necessarily lie in one's actions,  it's more  a sense of comfort within us, that keeps us at peace. A lack of trust leads to the constant work of a wild imagination. Soon you'll find yourself playing detective and making mountains out of mole hills. Eventually this will strain the already fragile relationship. If there is no trust, there is no point.

5) One-Sided Effort

Lately you're doing all the calling and reaching out. If you don't call or message there's hardly any communication. You find yourself having dinner alone or just a late snack before bed. You're the only one bringing/sending "just because..." gifts. It's become a one man/woman show.  The "ship" is clearly sinking and  you are the only one left aboard. That's a problem. I suggest you grab a life vest and head to shore.  Remember it takes two to tango, and it sounds like the music has stopped.

6) More Bad Than Good

This one is pretty obvious and funny enough, sometimes not so much. The list writing method is an awesome tactic to help. On one side list all the pros and on the other, all the cons. You may find this useful if you're the type that likes to rationalize and comb it through. Sometimes you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. Sure, there will be tough times, but if you can't remember the last time you were happy, that's a huge problem.

Let's be clear, I'm no quitter and honestly neither are you. I know the journey of our relationships can get complicated, and sometimes lead us to a crossroads. Walking away doesn't make you weak, it actually shows your strength.  Even with my list of red flags, no one can make that final call but you. If it's unhealthy, unproductive and you're unhappy, it may be time to part ways, and charter a new course

Each Time You Get A New Article Of Clothing Give Away Something Old

I'm excited! In only a few weeks, my favorite season, Spring, will begin. Flowers will start blooming, students have spring break to look forward to, and  it's the season of festivals. Who doesn't love a good festival? However, I feel the best thing about Spring is the opportunity to put away our winter clothes and accessories. Yes! 

As we brace ourselves for some well needed "spring cleaning", this weeks suggestive random act of kindness is suitable for the upcoming season. I know I'm not the only one who has articles of clothing that haven't been worn in awhile. Not that it's damaged or anything, but I'm just bored with them. I'm anxiously anticipating  some much needed retail therapy  and as the popular saying goes, "one man's trash, is another man's treasure". What is no longer useful to you, may be the perfect piece for someone else. So instead of throwing them away, here are a few suggestions on what to do with some of your clothes:

1) Sell Them
We can all agree that having a little extra cash is useful. Sites like tradesy, ebay and amazon make the process of re-selling items online hassle free. If you're not tech savvy, a garage sale is just as good.  

2) Hand-Me Downs

Those of you who have older siblings, might be familiar with this process. Yes, we're all grown now, but I don't think we're ever too old for some type of hand-me down exchange. For example think of all the cousins, or a younger friend who is still in school. Most do not wear uniforms and needs more options for outfits. They could probably benefit from that extra sweater you have hanging in the back of your closet. 

3) Clothes Swap Party

Yes, a good 'ol party. If your friends are anything like mine, they would appreciate a social gathering; with a few cocktails of course. Invite some friends over and start swapping a few of your trendy pieces.

4) Donations

If the first two suggestions aren't up your alley. You could consider donating them to those in need. I'm not sure how it's done in other states or even countries however, in Georgia,we have clothing collection bins in various areas. These are usually close to a shopping plaza or store that has consistent traffic. Some churches welcome clothing donations as well and of course organizations such as GOODWILL. Bear  in mind donating to these organizations may also be applicable to your taxes the next time you file.

Start packing and sorting your clothes in your closets and drawers. Out with the old and in with the new. #thecommongoodchallenge #randomactsofkindness 

How To Stop Living In The Past - Survival Guide

I have no idea what has been happening with my writing schedule lately. Writers block? Nah. Come to think of it, I do not believe in writers block. Because, I'm sure if I offered you $375 to write an article about 10 interesting facts about caffeine , you would begin your research right away. 

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"Success doesn't come from what you do occasionally, it comes from what you do consistently" - Marie Forleo

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But as I move forward with my intention to help my readers give more, dream big and work harder I thought about the things that prevent us from being great. I was once told, that I have the same 24 hours as Oprah and Beyonce, so what's my excuse. Well, first of all, I feel that is such an unfair statement to make. Both Oprah and Beyonce have a full staff that manages every aspect of their lives including the color underwear they should wear on any given day, while I rely heavily on my google calendar.

However, before they became "Harpo-Studios Oprah" and "Queen-Bey Beyonce" they were average women, with an average paycheck and a burning desire to be great, and to leave an impact while chartering their own course. The beauty of having that focus is the way you view your past. It is seen as necessary experiences. We all have a past, label it what you wish but many of us dwell on our past to the point where it prevents us from living in the now, prevents us from exploring new avenues and seeking new opportunities. It's so easy for us to compare ourselves to others and imagine that they are doing better than we are. It's so easy for us to get lost in what could have or should have been. Hello! Its me, I am here to tell you that it all happened for a reason. So how do you get out of that funk? How do you keep the flashbacks to a minimum? 

1) Be Thankful

  You are here! Alive and well, that's a lot to be grateful for. Being thankful allows us to focus on all the good things around us. There is always a positive side to every situation. 

2) Be Present

Shift your focus to the things you have control of. What is done cannot be undone and while we would like to hit the restart button, we do not have that option. Remain in the now and put your best foot forward at all times. 

3) Forgiveness

Recalling past events may still cause emotional or mental distress and it becomes very difficult to move on from this. But harboring resentment does more harm than good. The harm is their fault, allowing this to impact your mood is yours. 

4) Stop worrying

Embrace each day, which is full of endless possibilities, with an open mind. Start it with a smile!

5) Try something new

You cannot use the same solutions to fix a problem and expect different results. Learn from your mistakes and use those lessons to make the next best move. 

For some of us, dwelling on our past keeps us grounded, bounded and still. It holds us back in all aspects of our lives. Breaking free is entirely up to us and how bad we want to achieve our dreams. 

Give Someone Flowers .... Yes More Flowers!

I hope I'm not the only one that's still cheerful from Valentine's Day. Even if you do not have a significant other, I hope you found some peace of mind spending it in church. However, if you happen to not be very religious, I trust you were happy to see another day. 

It's no secret to us that the most common gesture during the Month of Love is to give flowers, chocolates or stuffed animals of some sort. But what happens after the season has passed? I've always thought that giving flowers is one of the most genuine gifts that will automatically lift my spirit. Just the mere thought behind the action accompanied with the beauty of the flowers themselves, is enough to change anyone's day for the better. 

Flowers have a healing touch, and speaks for us when words are not enough. They just make you feel good. So what if they're going to die in a few days. This is one instance where we focus on the now and refuse to worry about the future. I advise you to not let the flower giving momentum stop here. Continue to practice your random act of kindness through the gift of spontaneous flower giving and watch the receiver beam with gratitude and pure appreciation. 

Are You A Good Loser Or A Bad Loser?

In previous posts I have emphasized the importance of paying it forward, the fulfillment of performing random acts of kindness, the results of positive thinking and the necessity of setting SMART goals. But what happens when none of this works? What happens when you do everything that is required of you and still fail? What about when you've prayed, planned and prepared and still come up short? This is probably the last thing you want to hear, but I'm going to tell you any ways. It's all apart of the process!

Trust me, I know a thing or two about defeat. On the track (I'm a former athlete) and off. One of the main things we must keep in mind is the fact that failure is inevitable, and everybody experiences it. Failure does not care about how much you have in the bank, how cute you look or how smart you are. There is no dodging failure, but the way you handle failure proves whether or not you deserve what ever it is you are working so hard for. 

It is much easier to kick and scream and throw a tantrum, because we've been taught since preschool that losing is bad and winning is good. However, at this point in our lives we cannot afford to give up and throw in the towel. You and I both know that you have people depending on you. So hear are 5 ways to get out of the funk, shake it off and get your head back into the game. 

1) Think of losing as a positive thing. "What the heck is this lady taking about?" I know, I know, but hear me out. When you see failure as something positive you open up yourself  to the fact that you have something to learn. It won't continue to hold you down, and eventually you will be able to look at the bigger picture. 

2) Life is a lesson, and since losing is apart of life. Losing is a lesson too. A harsh lesson, but a lesson nonetheless. "What could I have possibly learnt?" I'm glad you asked. You just learnt another way of how NOT to achieve your goal. So try something different. 

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"I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work" - Thomas A. Edison 

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3) It is not permanent. Nothing lasts forever including that emotional feeling that accompanies failure. It's so easy to stress on a defeat for days or even weeks. But that's not healthy for you or the people around you. Get out of your head, what's done is done. You are entitled to your feelings, but at some point you must move on. 

4) Seek guidance from experts. Do not be afraid to ask for help. I guarantee you are not going through this alone. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, we are never too old to learn and seek counsel. 

5) NEVER GIVE UP!!

4 Ways To Develop A Mindset Like Beyonce

F-ree your surroundings, mind and soul of all negativity, naysayers and non-believers. There is power in the words we speak and the way we think. You must believe in yourself at all times and use the power of positivity, to be the fuel in your drive for success. 

O-vercome your fear. The number one thing that most of us fear is the unknown. The unknown quality of the fruit of our labor. The unknown outcome of a tough situation. The unknown reaction of a friend, boss, spouse or relative. Fear will hold you back, don't let it. 

R-elax, Rejuvenate and Reinvent yourself. All work and no play, leaves no room for creativity and quickly burns you out. Take a step back, give yourself some credit for making it this far, refocus and then get back to work. Find inspiration in your life and formulate new and improved ways to tell your story to the World. 

M-ake your mark. Yes, there are a zillion people on Earth, but there is only one you. You are an important fraction, that's a part of the whole. Be brave, and assertive. Find your purpose and be true to you in everything you do. 

FORM a mentality that does not imprison your happiness, talents and abilities. A mindset as bold as Beyonce's that will motivate others to live up to their potential. The beehive and the World can hardly contain themselves because of one highly influential woman, who is probably sipping a mimosa on this fine Sunday, totally unbothered. Include these 4 simple steps, coupled with meditation and SMART goal setting, in your daily routine and you will be on your way to a successful and purpose filled  life . Be Bold. Be Fierce. Be Beyonce.