Be Pretty Not Petty: Why Do Women Compete With Each Other?

There have been a few times in my career where I've been rather disappointed with women in my workplace. No, I do not expect my female colleagues to go out their way or sing "Kumbaya" with me in the office. However, it bothers me when a woman could have been helpful to me and was not. When a woman has the opportunity to be a positive, influential figure and chooses not to be, or because of anxiety or fear tries to hurt me through gossip and propaganda, it really makes me wonder. 

Of course I'm very much aware, this is not a new thing plaguing society. Some women have always felt the need to compete or one-up each other for years. Coco Chanel and Elsa Schiaparelli, Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan, Lil Kim and Nikki Minaj, Miss Kitty and The Curvy Diva, just to name a few. But it's not just women, men are guilty of this type of behavior as well but surprisingly not as extreme. 

However, my dilemma is why do so many women tear each other down, rather than uplift them? What causes this competitive and aggressive nature? Is it deeply ingrained in our biology or is it a learned behavior? While we can accept that everyone's personality won't gel well and everyone won't always agree, we often share the common goal of being a boss. Nothing is wrong with a little competition to keep us motivated, minus the bashing and defamation of  characters. There are so many moving parts and sides to any story. However, I will say that it does more harm than good when we take part in meaningless cat fights or fail to support each other. 

Regardless of what it is that stirs your inner beast, at the end of the day we have choices. We can choose to take the selfish route and make it all about us and our accomplishments or we can choose to challenge ourselves to rise up, and set an example of what being a strong and supportive woman looks like. Be role models for our youth and encourage team work.  It's such a powerful thing when women support each other and join forces. 

6 Signs It's Time To Say GoodBye

As the seasons change, so do you and the people around you; It's just the natural order of things. It's an inevitable occurrence in life, which ultimately leads to my next questions. Do our relationships have an expiration date? Whether a marriage/ romantic relationship, a friendship, or mere family relations. How do we know when that time comes?

In previous posts, I've made mention to the importance of paying close attention to your intuition, vibe, feeling, “spidey’ senses or whatever you would like to call them. If that radar is going off, then usually something is not right. You feel something is off, but can't pinpoint why or what exactly. At one point or another you began feeling a sense of neglect, but remain in denial and even started to formulate all types of excuses or scenarios to make sense of things. Worst of all, you feel the impending doom creeping up on the horizon, but believe if you hang in there just a little bit longer, things will turn around. You know something has gone terribly wrong but have that little bit of hope, thinking you can make it right.

Personally, I am a "leave it alone" type of person. I've run away and avoided intense situations quite a few times. Where friends and family are concerned, I'll give them all the space they need. In a romantic relationship, I tend to end things more quickly. Nonetheless, not everyone reacts this way. Some people tend to have the burning desire to "say something" or figure out "what went wrong".  Before you take that step, here are a few signs that can help you decide whether or not it's time for a sit down.

1) Less Contact

You're becoming a dinosaur; totally extinct in their lives. Not too long ago, they were constantly texting, emailing and/or direct messaging you, even a video chat here and there. Now, on the contrary,  you can't even recall the last time you heard their voice. It's official, you've become irrelevant or you've been replaced. I know, it's hard to process, but you'll be okay. The world will continue to spin on it's axis, the sun will still rise in the East and set in the West. Life goes on, try to remain strong.

2) They're Not The Person You Met 

Hey, it's okay to evolve and blossom. Still, keep in mind that while you are slowly breaking free from your cocoon, someone else is learning to fly and another just learnt to walk. Change is inevitable and supporting change is equally important as being commended for your own evolution. It's the lack of this support that may cause some turmoil.

3) The Ultimate DENIAL.

You know, but you refuse to accept it. Much like myself, we can all be pretty stubborn at times. Let me ask you this, if you know deep down that it's time to move on, why aren't you leaving? Are you hoping things will change? Is it because you've invested so much time and effort, or have one heck of a history? Believe me, I get it but if you keep trying to make the best of a losing situation, you'll eventually lose yourself in the end. 

4) No Trust

I once read " A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it as long as you want but it wont go anywhere" Trust may not necessarily lie in one's actions,  it's more  a sense of comfort within us, that keeps us at peace. A lack of trust leads to the constant work of a wild imagination. Soon you'll find yourself playing detective and making mountains out of mole hills. Eventually this will strain the already fragile relationship. If there is no trust, there is no point.

5) One-Sided Effort

Lately you're doing all the calling and reaching out. If you don't call or message there's hardly any communication. You find yourself having dinner alone or just a late snack before bed. You're the only one bringing/sending "just because..." gifts. It's become a one man/woman show.  The "ship" is clearly sinking and  you are the only one left aboard. That's a problem. I suggest you grab a life vest and head to shore.  Remember it takes two to tango, and it sounds like the music has stopped.

6) More Bad Than Good

This one is pretty obvious and funny enough, sometimes not so much. The list writing method is an awesome tactic to help. On one side list all the pros and on the other, all the cons. You may find this useful if you're the type that likes to rationalize and comb it through. Sometimes you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. Sure, there will be tough times, but if you can't remember the last time you were happy, that's a huge problem.

Let's be clear, I'm no quitter and honestly neither are you. I know the journey of our relationships can get complicated, and sometimes lead us to a crossroads. Walking away doesn't make you weak, it actually shows your strength.  Even with my list of red flags, no one can make that final call but you. If it's unhealthy, unproductive and you're unhappy, it may be time to part ways, and charter a new course

Each Time You Get A New Article Of Clothing Give Away Something Old

I'm excited! In only a few weeks, my favorite season, Spring, will begin. Flowers will start blooming, students have spring break to look forward to, and  it's the season of festivals. Who doesn't love a good festival? However, I feel the best thing about Spring is the opportunity to put away our winter clothes and accessories. Yes! 

As we brace ourselves for some well needed "spring cleaning", this weeks suggestive random act of kindness is suitable for the upcoming season. I know I'm not the only one who has articles of clothing that haven't been worn in awhile. Not that it's damaged or anything, but I'm just bored with them. I'm anxiously anticipating  some much needed retail therapy  and as the popular saying goes, "one man's trash, is another man's treasure". What is no longer useful to you, may be the perfect piece for someone else. So instead of throwing them away, here are a few suggestions on what to do with some of your clothes:

1) Sell Them
We can all agree that having a little extra cash is useful. Sites like tradesy, ebay and amazon make the process of re-selling items online hassle free. If you're not tech savvy, a garage sale is just as good.  

2) Hand-Me Downs

Those of you who have older siblings, might be familiar with this process. Yes, we're all grown now, but I don't think we're ever too old for some type of hand-me down exchange. For example think of all the cousins, or a younger friend who is still in school. Most do not wear uniforms and needs more options for outfits. They could probably benefit from that extra sweater you have hanging in the back of your closet. 

3) Clothes Swap Party

Yes, a good 'ol party. If your friends are anything like mine, they would appreciate a social gathering; with a few cocktails of course. Invite some friends over and start swapping a few of your trendy pieces.

4) Donations

If the first two suggestions aren't up your alley. You could consider donating them to those in need. I'm not sure how it's done in other states or even countries however, in Georgia,we have clothing collection bins in various areas. These are usually close to a shopping plaza or store that has consistent traffic. Some churches welcome clothing donations as well and of course organizations such as GOODWILL. Bear  in mind donating to these organizations may also be applicable to your taxes the next time you file.

Start packing and sorting your clothes in your closets and drawers. Out with the old and in with the new. #thecommongoodchallenge #randomactsofkindness 

How To Stop Living In The Past - Survival Guide

I have no idea what has been happening with my writing schedule lately. Writers block? Nah. Come to think of it, I do not believe in writers block. Because, I'm sure if I offered you $375 to write an article about 10 interesting facts about caffeine , you would begin your research right away. 

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"Success doesn't come from what you do occasionally, it comes from what you do consistently" - Marie Forleo

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But as I move forward with my intention to help my readers give more, dream big and work harder I thought about the things that prevent us from being great. I was once told, that I have the same 24 hours as Oprah and Beyonce, so what's my excuse. Well, first of all, I feel that is such an unfair statement to make. Both Oprah and Beyonce have a full staff that manages every aspect of their lives including the color underwear they should wear on any given day, while I rely heavily on my google calendar.

However, before they became "Harpo-Studios Oprah" and "Queen-Bey Beyonce" they were average women, with an average paycheck and a burning desire to be great, and to leave an impact while chartering their own course. The beauty of having that focus is the way you view your past. It is seen as necessary experiences. We all have a past, label it what you wish but many of us dwell on our past to the point where it prevents us from living in the now, prevents us from exploring new avenues and seeking new opportunities. It's so easy for us to compare ourselves to others and imagine that they are doing better than we are. It's so easy for us to get lost in what could have or should have been. Hello! Its me, I am here to tell you that it all happened for a reason. So how do you get out of that funk? How do you keep the flashbacks to a minimum? 

1) Be Thankful

  You are here! Alive and well, that's a lot to be grateful for. Being thankful allows us to focus on all the good things around us. There is always a positive side to every situation. 

2) Be Present

Shift your focus to the things you have control of. What is done cannot be undone and while we would like to hit the restart button, we do not have that option. Remain in the now and put your best foot forward at all times. 

3) Forgiveness

Recalling past events may still cause emotional or mental distress and it becomes very difficult to move on from this. But harboring resentment does more harm than good. The harm is their fault, allowing this to impact your mood is yours. 

4) Stop worrying

Embrace each day, which is full of endless possibilities, with an open mind. Start it with a smile!

5) Try something new

You cannot use the same solutions to fix a problem and expect different results. Learn from your mistakes and use those lessons to make the next best move. 

For some of us, dwelling on our past keeps us grounded, bounded and still. It holds us back in all aspects of our lives. Breaking free is entirely up to us and how bad we want to achieve our dreams. 

Give Someone Flowers .... Yes More Flowers!

I hope I'm not the only one that's still cheerful from Valentine's Day. Even if you do not have a significant other, I hope you found some peace of mind spending it in church. However, if you happen to not be very religious, I trust you were happy to see another day. 

It's no secret to us that the most common gesture during the Month of Love is to give flowers, chocolates or stuffed animals of some sort. But what happens after the season has passed? I've always thought that giving flowers is one of the most genuine gifts that will automatically lift my spirit. Just the mere thought behind the action accompanied with the beauty of the flowers themselves, is enough to change anyone's day for the better. 

Flowers have a healing touch, and speaks for us when words are not enough. They just make you feel good. So what if they're going to die in a few days. This is one instance where we focus on the now and refuse to worry about the future. I advise you to not let the flower giving momentum stop here. Continue to practice your random act of kindness through the gift of spontaneous flower giving and watch the receiver beam with gratitude and pure appreciation. 

Are You A Good Loser Or A Bad Loser?

In previous posts I have emphasized the importance of paying it forward, the fulfillment of performing random acts of kindness, the results of positive thinking and the necessity of setting SMART goals. But what happens when none of this works? What happens when you do everything that is required of you and still fail? What about when you've prayed, planned and prepared and still come up short? This is probably the last thing you want to hear, but I'm going to tell you any ways. It's all apart of the process!

Trust me, I know a thing or two about defeat. On the track (I'm a former athlete) and off. One of the main things we must keep in mind is the fact that failure is inevitable, and everybody experiences it. Failure does not care about how much you have in the bank, how cute you look or how smart you are. There is no dodging failure, but the way you handle failure proves whether or not you deserve what ever it is you are working so hard for. 

It is much easier to kick and scream and throw a tantrum, because we've been taught since preschool that losing is bad and winning is good. However, at this point in our lives we cannot afford to give up and throw in the towel. You and I both know that you have people depending on you. So hear are 5 ways to get out of the funk, shake it off and get your head back into the game. 

1) Think of losing as a positive thing. "What the heck is this lady taking about?" I know, I know, but hear me out. When you see failure as something positive you open up yourself  to the fact that you have something to learn. It won't continue to hold you down, and eventually you will be able to look at the bigger picture. 

2) Life is a lesson, and since losing is apart of life. Losing is a lesson too. A harsh lesson, but a lesson nonetheless. "What could I have possibly learnt?" I'm glad you asked. You just learnt another way of how NOT to achieve your goal. So try something different. 

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"I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work" - Thomas A. Edison 

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3) It is not permanent. Nothing lasts forever including that emotional feeling that accompanies failure. It's so easy to stress on a defeat for days or even weeks. But that's not healthy for you or the people around you. Get out of your head, what's done is done. You are entitled to your feelings, but at some point you must move on. 

4) Seek guidance from experts. Do not be afraid to ask for help. I guarantee you are not going through this alone. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, we are never too old to learn and seek counsel. 

5) NEVER GIVE UP!!

4 Ways To Develop A Mindset Like Beyonce

F-ree your surroundings, mind and soul of all negativity, naysayers and non-believers. There is power in the words we speak and the way we think. You must believe in yourself at all times and use the power of positivity, to be the fuel in your drive for success. 

O-vercome your fear. The number one thing that most of us fear is the unknown. The unknown quality of the fruit of our labor. The unknown outcome of a tough situation. The unknown reaction of a friend, boss, spouse or relative. Fear will hold you back, don't let it. 

R-elax, Rejuvenate and Reinvent yourself. All work and no play, leaves no room for creativity and quickly burns you out. Take a step back, give yourself some credit for making it this far, refocus and then get back to work. Find inspiration in your life and formulate new and improved ways to tell your story to the World. 

M-ake your mark. Yes, there are a zillion people on Earth, but there is only one you. You are an important fraction, that's a part of the whole. Be brave, and assertive. Find your purpose and be true to you in everything you do. 

FORM a mentality that does not imprison your happiness, talents and abilities. A mindset as bold as Beyonce's that will motivate others to live up to their potential. The beehive and the World can hardly contain themselves because of one highly influential woman, who is probably sipping a mimosa on this fine Sunday, totally unbothered. Include these 4 simple steps, coupled with meditation and SMART goal setting, in your daily routine and you will be on your way to a successful and purpose filled  life . Be Bold. Be Fierce. Be Beyonce.  

Don't Be A Road Hog!!

Before I highlight this week's random act of kindness. I wanted to take the time to encourage you all to remain focused on your 2016 goals. This is where some of us hop off the "I Think I Can" express and set up camp in "ComfortVille". The last place I want you to be, hell it's the last place I want to be. While ComfortVille is, you guessed it, comfortable. It prevents us from truly pushing ourselves, because there is no need to. We plan and prepare in January, make our vision boards, recite words of affirmations but once February rolls around, a time when we should be actively executing our plans. We begin to let fear get the best of us. Fear is like the boggie man that lived under our bed or in the closet when we were 3 years old. It's not real!! If the boogie man moved out, you need to tell fear to pack all it's sh*t (insecurities, doubt, depression etc) and go. There is no room for fear anymore.  

In regards to the Common Good Challenge, I'm impressed that you guys are still rocking with me on this, The mere fact that we intentionally want to #spreadthehappy is a step in the right direction. Speaking of direction. What type of driver are you? Are you a road hog or do you spend your time driving Miss Daisy? Do you aim to be early, or are you always in a hurry because you're late? 

When I was learning to drive years ago. I was told that I had to drive for myself and others. Not only because of reckless drivers, but when I became more experienced. I had to keep an eye out for the beginners as well. Drivers less experienced than myself who might need to merge into my "path" for awhile. Should I speed up, or should I let them? 

Hold on a second, I know what you're thinking. Why should I slow my progress to allow somebody else to get ahead of me, everybody should stay in their own lane. And I agree, but look at it this way. It's a blessing to have a clear path, see your purpose and have your road map to success on your GPS instructing you on where to go. And sometimes if not most, we become an INSPIRATION to others. When this happens they'll want to try things your way, copy your style, see what you're seeing. But remember your lane is designed for you and will only work for you. So whilst it may be annoying for a fellow driver to merge into your lane now and again, let them. Give them some unsolicited advice, they'll figure out sooner or later that they're in the wrong place, and begin to make a way for themselves. But some people need a little nudge in the right direction, and if you can do that, you're doing a good deed. #spredthelove #spreadthehappy 

What's the Tea?

The 2016 Blizzard that stretched from Alabama to Pennsylvania was playing no games this year. Granted I have nothing to complain about, because Georgia barely got an inch, my heart goes out to the north easterners. But in every situation let's highlight the positives. Most of you were forced to focus on what is important, like spending some quality time with your family or working on a personal project that you have been neglecting because your 9-5 takes up all of your time and energy. 2016 is yours remember? So I hope you made some much needed progress. 

Lemme tell you, I hate the cold....... with a passion. I just cant deal! It goes beyond the feeling for me. My entire mood changes once the temperature drops. Don't get  me wrong, there is a little excitement when the snow begins to fall but after the first 2 inches I'm like okay, that's enough. I am so much happier when I'm warm. When I'm feeling cold and I have a warm beverage in my hands, it makes such a difference. 

If you feel the same way, why not make someone else happy. It's so easy for us to allow the weather to affect our mood and feelings sometimes we forget about how much of an impact this may have on those around us. So, for this suggestive random act of kindness, warm up someone's life today. #spreadthelove #spreadthehappy #payitforward

  

Forgive Without Needing to Hear "I'm Sorry"

One of the main reasons social media is so successful, is because of the way Millennials process information. We need to have our feelings, achievements, relationships, humor, downfalls and all that validated. Everything is shared, and there are no limits to what is being posted and this usually causes our feelings to become misplaced. 

It is so much easier to walk away from a situation than to forgive. Once you hit that block and delete it's as if the person never existed. But it can be even harder to forgive when you know the offender has no intention of apologizing. And this is why most of us hold on to old feuds for years. 

Forgiveness is freeing, it free's your mind and opens up your heart. Holding on to negativity is like pulling your checked bags with you all over the airport, and trying to stuff them in the overhead bin. It just won't work! Some things you just have to let go, and wish them well. 

My modus operandi is to write things down. It's so liberating to put all your thoughts on paper, makes me think clearer. If that doesn't work try talking to a confidant. At some point we just have to accept the fact that we won't get an "I'm Sorry" all the time, but it shouldn't stop us from truly forgiving those who may have hurt us.  

Do you buckle under pressure?

I came across this quote on my Instagram timeline a few days ago. It's so easy for us to play victim, "this is too hard", "this is the worst thing that could ever happen", "why do I always get the short end of the stick". I won't lie to you, I've been guilty of waving my white flag as a way to surrender to the witch that hexed me. (Yup, I'm a Harry Potter geek)  But have you ever stopped to think that maybe you're experiencing this because you can handle it. You can handle this crazy ride and at the end of it all you will be able to share your experiences, as a way to help someone else.

Hardships and difficult times are a test. Tests on a physical, emotional, mental and courageous level. How well do you handle it? Are you thinking ahead or in the now? That move won't work, what's your next best play?

To start, take some deep breaths, clear your mind and dust your butt off from that setback. And if you tripped and scraped your knee, I have a couple band aids you may have and if you broke a body part, well lets head to the emergency room. My point is this, there IS a SOLUTION to every PROBLEM! It all depends on your mind set and how you're interpreting it.

So keep your head up, it's not the end of the World. #KeepPushing!

Put a Coin in an Expired Meter

So this might not apply to everyone as parking systems vary from state to state and country to country but I thought this would be a nice #randomactofkindness.

In 2014 I lived in NYC. I had recently moved from S.Fl and I had brought my car with me. Anyway, my best friend came to visit and for some strange reason she lovesss her some Jamaica Ave. Now, I'm not trying to be boogie or anything, but I haven't bought anything from Jamaica Ave. since the Summer of 2008, before I went to college (Go Noles). There isn't anything there for me, and it's confusing and I just can't deal. I can't shop like that anymore. But I get it, just visiting from JA gotta get a bargain for your buck. So we parked by the meter, and began our trek up the Avenue. We got so caught up, we forgot that the time was about to run out on the parking meter. We grabbed our corouches and ran back to the car. By the time we got to the top of the intersection, and took a quick glance down the street where I parked, there goes the meter maid, taking her sweet time checking meters and writing tickets.

Even though we were already out of breath, we couldn't afford to get a ticket at this point so we started running and yelling hoping that we could get her attention. It worked and we were off the hook. However, across the street people were just chillin on the sidewalk, no care in the World. And it dawned on me like, dang, none of them didn't have spare change to give at least one person an extra 5 mins.

And that's the point I'm trying to make. Sometimes we just run out of time, not everybody has their sh*t together. Not everybody has their ducks in a row. And people will purchase front row seats to watch time run out on you. Maybe you could be the one to close the curtains on their a**, and give somebody a little more time.

Put a coin in someone's meter today!

Say a Prayer for Someone

First off let me start by saying, that I am a little disappointed in myself for not starting a Blog sooner. It is so simple. I'm sure you might be thinking "Oh, it must be a New Year, New Me" kind of thing. I'm actually working on it and look forward to blogging and expressing myself more. But I wanted to post meaningful content and hence "The Common Good Challenge" has been brought to life. 

I also wanted to use this as a platform for some self-improvement and as a way to work on my writing skills. I have a Self-Help/Inspirational book coming out that I will be self-publishing for a release of July of this year. I am so excited. I always wanted to be a published best-selling author and I am certain that this is a step in the right direction. 

Now the Common Good Challenge entails random acts of kindness that we can do for loved ones or strangers on a daily basis. And it does not have to be anything huge. I would not be surprised if your first thought had to do with money. When we give, it does not always have to be money. We can give our time, a listening ear, some advice or in regards to this first task of the challenge a prayer. 

I pray for my family, friends, acquaintances and enemies all the time. I know I don't have all the answers and they don't either. Everybody is battling some type of problem and sometimes the best thing we can do for them is pray. Let's kick off this challenge on a great note. Share with a friend or relative and best of all let's spread the happy.